Who Knows?

I’ve never really believed in plans. Plans have a trend to disappoint. My plan is to be spontaneous. My plan is to be happy.

Well isn’t everyone’s?

I know that throughout my four years here at SMU, I want to make memories. On my deathbed, I’m not going to remember the time I studied. OK, I might need to study. I plan on graduating with a major in geophysics, a minor in mathematics, and a minor in music. I plan on exploring the world geologically.

I plan on always keeping in mind what’s important. Although, rejection has gotten me down in the past, I learned that I do not have the power to change everything.

Rejection is only heart-breaking when you planned on something.

Yes, I like to plan.

But I’ve learned to enjoy the idea of not knowing and it usually leads to some awesome stories. I know geophysicists make money and I’m honestly not very worried. I plan to work at an oil company when I graduate, but who knows?

My life will be far better than how I plan it to be. 

Values

Honestly, it has taken me an entire semester to figure out what I value. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew who I like to hang out with, and I know how I like to spend my time.

But why?

Have I put myself in enough situations to truly experience life?

Well I know where I came from and my family is the base of my values. They have instilled in me right and wrong and I cant turn back on that. I’ve been through the tough times and that’s when you can easily see what you value, but not everyday is as clear.

I value honesty. I began my blog in just that fashion. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, but if you are always honest, you are good in my book.

I’m still trying to figure out who I am and my values go along with that. I will always be there for a friend, because I believe that karma will help me in the end.

My family is my everything. As long as I have them behind me, I can get through anything. I feel cheesy writing about my family but theres no better way to describe them. The will guide me throughout my life’s decisions and always be aware of the person I am.

We’ll see where life takes me but I know that standing by my side, my family will make sure my morals are always in check.

Change

Ok well I know for a fact one of the skills I don’t have is working while I’m sick. Sadly, I have mono. I can’t stop sleeping.

Well anyway my skills. I pride myself on the fact that I’m pretty aware who I am. This has taken years and extra effort that not many people have done, but I have gone through pretty hard times in my life where I’ve had the chance to assess myself and what needs work. One skill I know I’m good at is problem solving. Give me a problem and I won’t stop till it’s done and correct. I love math and puzzles. I’m also very good at giving advice because I can listen to a situation and think it through in an entirely unbiased state of mind.

All of this sounds strange when considering I am writing this blog for an art class. If I listed all of my characteristics down without including singing, no one would be able to guess I am actually an art student.

I consider myself creative in small doses. I love to paint and am actually good at it but I am not skilled in thinking of what to draw. I love to sing but I’d rather someone tell me what to sing.

A skill I need to work on is thinking outside the box. I am not a very creative person and I would prefer to do what I’m told rather than to just go out and do. This affects everything in my life. I’m very introverted and would rather observe than do. I have a very clear- cut comfort zone that I hope I can break down in the next four years. How?

Well I’m working on it. I know I need to be more involved. But I need to get involved because I want to not because my mother is telling me to do so (which is primarily why I do everything I do). I got involved in singing because people told me to. I got involved in Student Council because people told me to. I participated in competitions because people told me to.

My skill I want to work on is being assertive. Usually if I see something I want to do, I note it and move on. It never happens. The things I have done have been out of force. I follow the pack. I can’t even describe how much it hurts to write that but its true. I hate that’s its true but looking back, my whole life I have simply been following someone. I’m the youngest of four so of course I’ve always followed their example. I can outline my skills perfectly. Collaborative, flexible, intuitive, thoughtful, loyal, blah, blah. I want to figure out what I can be. The first thing I plan to do, although many people are advising against it, is dropping my vocal performance major. I’ve heard it so many times that people think I have talent and I should stay with it and I’ll get used to everything. No… I hate it. I’ve been doing it for five years now. I hate it. I love singing on stage and people telling me how good I am (not meaning to sound arrogant) but I hate practicing and having to sing in a choir and learning all the little things that go along with singing. I finally found what I love and what I’m good at and that’s geology. And geology is about to teach me skills that I want to acquire and first that’s being assertive.

But I’m finally about to add a skill to my list and that’s independent.

 

Singer? Hero?

A hero. I bet you can picture it in your mind right now. To me he looks like Hercules. Hes strong, hunky and even kind at heart. Of course he will do anything to save his love. But also this is one test I’ve taken many times. I know its basically the wrong answer to give a hero a physical description but I cant help it! Its what comes to mind.

 

Many people have had the chance to identify their personal hero. Someone who has saved them and motivates them to do more, to become someone they were meant to be. A hero serves you so you can serve others.

 

My hero is my brother. Hes overcome so much and still is the most positive person I know. He never settles for average. He was valedictorian of his class by the sole fact he wanted the grades to become a doctor. When he was young, he was in and out of the hospital and his hero was his doctor and now he is going to become that to some other little boy.

 

A doctor. The epitome of someone out to serve others. A singer. An entertainer?

 

How can I use my passion to serve others?

 

Life on the stage can give one a large ego and an obsession with how he or she looks. Honestly, I became a singer for this very reason. I was in choir because I had to be….my sister joined for fun and she was my ride to school. I tried out for the school musical for the very same reason. I made so many friends in the musical and they told me I should try out for Triple Trio. I didn’t even like to sing. I liked to play volleyball. But I tried out because I wanted to see what they thought of me. When I made it as the only freshman, I had a huugggee ego boost. I was brought down very quickly when I kept trying out for solos and competitions and never getting the part. It really made me question why am I doing this?

 

I practiced constantly. I wanted people to think I was good again. Well I finally got the solos but only till then did I really realize why I was doing this. People would approach me and tell me how my performance gave them goosebumps or even brought them to tears. I had my mother’s friends tell me I made their day. It was something small but I wanted to do more of it.

 

Does this make me a hero? I’m waiting to find out. Its my mentality that has changed. I don’t perform for myself but others. I received a letter recently from a freshman girl I mentored in choir as a senior. She told me how the sound of my voice made her day and how she wanted to be like me as a senior in choir. That simple letter justified everything I had worked for. 

No more awkward elevator silence

Picture it.

You’re standing in an elevator. You’re thinking: “Oh great, twenty stories and I have to be awkwardly silent next to this random guy. O WAIT!! I know this guy…..who is he…… O come on…. I know this…… YES! He’s that hot shot producer from the 15th floor! He’s probably a good guy to know.” 

Well are you just going to stand there and let him leave without knowing your name? NO! You’re going to tell him exactly who you are and why he should be listening. 

Well I’ve written down exactly what I’d say if this time ever comes.
Here’s my elevator pitch:

 

Let’s be honest; anyone can be a “singer” these days, but not everyone has the training, patience, strength, and talent that a vocalist must have. Hi, I’m Spencer Corbett and I’m a classical vocalist who has gained these traits through years and years of experience just because I love to perform on stage and make an audience feel something through the music, such as melancholy, sheer happiness, or even goosebumps.  Have you felt that listening to a song on the radio can immediately change your entire day? My goal is to make sure through my work as a vocalist that the audience leaves the stressors of the world behind and becomes completely enticed by the feeling and passion of the music. I pride myself on my ability to take criticism and work from it, and also the ability to sing a piece and adapt the musicality to become something entirely unique.  So if you ever want to escape from the real world and hear something you have never heard before, just give me a call. 

You’re making me uncomfortable…….

Well last week in my face class we did something that no one would expect from a college class. For one thing in high school we were always given a straight set of rules and guidelines. Such as on a paper, there was always about ten questions we must answer about our topic in our paper and I never had to be creative.

 

I use the verb HAD because if I had a choice, I wouldn’t ever chose to make up my own stuff. For example, my favorite subjects are geology and math. There is always an answer and it is either right or wrong. English class means interpreting a very distinct piece of literature and how you see it in your own mind. Also for writing, you have to make up something completely unique and there is never a right or wrong.

 

Well our assignment in face was do something. Anything…. How am I supposed to just come up with an idea out of nowhere and tell a group of people, that I don’t know, how we’re going to do it. This assignment obviously was not catered to a person like me. I enjoy working by myself and, most of the time, working on problems.

 

People are always surprised to hear I’m not very creative. My mother is an amazing painter. Her beautiful oil landscapes adorn all the walls in our home, and people usually mistake them for a professional or even a Renoir (obviously my favorite artist of all time).  I also enjoy to paint and, if I do say so myself, am actually quite good at it. But my downfall is figuring out what to paint. I’m a singer. People assume that means I’m creative because it’s a type of art. WRONG. My voice teacher has always assigned me what to sing and I work on it until I’ve nailed it. Simple as that. No making up stuff.

 

Another reason this activity was not made for me is the fact that I’m extremely shy. Some people don’t believe me when I say that because I can carry on a conversation and I do enjoy to smile but that’s something that’s taken years for me to master. I’ve become very good at listening and smiling. So that’s exactly what I did during this activity. I smiled and listened and did as I was told. I realized looking back at that class, what my issues are with working in such a creative, outgoing group. Obviously, I saw I was out of place. But I learned how uncomfortable it makes me and why I feel that way. I bet the other people in my group felt completely in their zone.

 

Just by this simple activity with no guidelines or anything I received some motivation. I saw that I can’t always listen and smile. This activity motivates me to overcome these barriers I’ve had all my life to become successful in the thing I love to do. Singing isn’t always going to be an instructor telling me what to do. I’ve got to make it happen myself. I have to learn to approach people and lay on the line my ideas instead of letting a cloud of thoughts accumulate inside my mind with no escape.

 

I am in the process of working on it. I’ve done things outside my comfort zone that were just as simple as sitting in the dorm lobby waiting to make conversation with people I didn’t know. We’ll see how this goes……..

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

Yesterday, my roommate and I finally got a chance to “formally” lay down some ground rules and evaluate exactly how our living style was going. Luckily for both of us, we both are pretty laid back if you ask me. Well any way, while we were filling out our survey I actually had to think about how I like to live my life. When do I like to sleep? Do I mind when people borrow my things? Am I confrontational? And also how do I like to study?

 

Living at home studying and practicing was simple. My parents forced me to do it. As much as that might have sucked, it got the job done. I would sit at a large mahogany desk in our study and I couldn’t leave till I was done. Which was hard for a girl like me who suffers from severe Attention Deficit Disorder.

 

I always noticed how hard school was for me and how difficult it was to sit in one spot for hours on end. I was finally diagnosed my sophomore as the doctor said she had no clue how I could even go to school with a condition as severe as mine. 

 

I now have a very distinct learning and working style.  I learn best while listening and doing. I’m a terrible reader and writer (which you may have noticed by now.) I thrive in math and science because I can actually do the things I was learning about. And finally I became a singer because I could simply listen to any song and sing it spot on right back.

 

Although I love to sing and perform in front of a large audience, I despise practicing in front of one. I mostly practice in the shower or when I’m home alone. My friends often bug me about how I never sing for them. Uhhh my bad I just find it awkward. But this is one thing I’ve had to change while I’m in college. There’s not much privacy to be had and the work is ten times more vigorous. This has surely encouraged my self-confidence in my gift. I hope to increase my work habits while at school simply because if I didn’t there’s no chance I could ever be successful in the real world.

 

The roommate survey made me examine how I work. I finally identified how comfortable I am with schoolwork and also practicing vocally.  So yup, that about does it. Now I better go find a quiet place to get to work on these habits. 

The New Scream

First of all, I’ve never been necessarily good at writing. Well to be more specific I never LIKED writing. I’ve never had a diary, I never write letters, and I despise having to write thank you notes. I always thought that nothing in going on in my life was even important enough to take note. We all read stories of people’s lives that are meant to inspire others. How can a girl like me inspire anyone?

 

One thing that sets me apart from most typical teenage girls is that I don’t like to talk about myself. Which is probably a large contributing factor to the fact that I never kept a diary. But in my junior year of high school I finally realized how just how unhealthy that was. I realized that I knew everything about my friends and they knew nothing about me. I went to an all girls Catholic high school where everyone dressed the same, took the same classes, and all had the same dedication to school. How was I supposed to stand out when it was so easy to blend in? I was average at sports, had average grades, and just looked average.

 

Average.

 

I was also infamous for being very quiet. I was often greeted with the question “Why are you so quiet?” A question I would always answer in the same way, “I just have nothing to say.” It was my go to and it seemed to work.

 

Junior year I finally broke down. I looked around and realized although I had many close friends, I had no one to TALK to. Sure my friends and I could talk about boys and funny stories but what about when I needed to talk about something personal. Something that I thought no one would want to hear. I know it sounds cliché but all those thoughts just built up inside and I exploded. Literally. I screamed, cried, and whatever else comes to mind when you think of meltdown. After blending in for so long I just wanted to be heard. So what better way to be noticed than to go on stage and sing?

 

I tried out for the elite singing group apart of my choir just for fun. And I made it…..

None of my friends even realized I could sing and I guess I didn’t either. Being on stage was terrifying to me. Our first performance as a group was in front of the whole school and of course I had a solo. It was the most electrifying experience of my life. Yes its daunting to have thousands of people staring at me but they were listening. I guess you could say it was my new equivalent to screaming.

 

Singing became my outlet. It was how I could scream without breaking down. I put my whole being into becoming a better singer. I wanted that opportunity to go on stage and have people listen.

 

And there you have it. My hard work paid off and got me into SMU music school with a scholarship. I intend to keep working hard to be heard in a whole new setting to captivate tens of thousands of people so they can watch me scream. 

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